How to Be More Resilient
Trying to navigate all of the challenges that face us these days can make you feel like you are drowning and it is difficult to come up for air. We are bombarded with one unpredictable and uncontrollable trauma after another. How do some people overcome these feelings of being held underwater? In a word, resilience - the mental or emotional wherewithal to cope with a crisis. Resilience allows you to recover from a challenging experience, figure out how to adapt, move forward, and in some cases, grow emotionally stronger.
Part of an individual’s disposition is their ability to see "the glass is half-full instead of half empty." The most resilient don't dwell on the pain of an emotional attack. They will push through it, figuring out what they can do to acknowledge the pain and prevent it from defining the future.
When I reflect on my own resilience and observe resilience in others, it makes me wonder if there is a reason that some people have the ability to manage while others don't. Reading through some literature on the topic, it seems one’s resilience might be traceable to a combination of genetics and personal history, but that is a small portion of how resilient we are. Fortunately, you can actually learn skills to help you cope better and even make you stronger in the long run.
In a study, people who demonstrated a high level of resilience after enduring adversity were interviewed and a New York Times article (https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/18/health/resilience-relationships-trauma.html) revealed the following common characteristics:
OPTIMISM - have a positive outlook in a situation and don’t focus on the negative information
MORAL COMPASS - have a strong, unwavering sense of what is right and wrong
ALTRUISM - have a great concern for others which gives a sense of purpose
REALISM - have the ability to focus energy on the areas that can be changed and not on areas that cannot
MISSION - have a committed goal or mission
SPIRITUALITY - have a belief that something exists greater than oneself, whether it is religious or spiritual
Previous generations seem to have had less fear than we have today. Taking responsibility for oneself in small steps was commonplace. I think that articles and research can give all parents the "courage" to allow children to have failure as a way to build for what life will hand them, the positive and negative. Start young and believe that by "partnering" with the child, processing the situation with them to help develop internal conversation, promote situations that help them believe in themselves, allow for some freedom of their choice without constantly giving solutions, and then supporting the outcome of their choices. I believe these actions will help to solidify survival later in life without substance dependency and other possible addictions.