It’s College Time
It's that time of year again when seniors anxiously await the news of whether their “dream” college is equally enamored and willing to give that 4-year relationship a shot. According to Forbes, we are witnessing a record number of applicants with “an increase of 26% over 2019–20, which was the last year when applications were not affected by the Covid-19 pandemic.” Any number will be turned down and even if there are acceptances mixed in, the rejection can feel intolerable with confusion, anger, sadness, and even jealousy wreaking havoc on their teenage spirits.
The college acceptance process is a microcosm of life with its successes and setbacks and from this challenge comes a true learning opportunity for parents. This experience can illuminate what more we must teach, and where our kids need to develop before they leave our homes. It forces us to ask ourselves, does my child have the inner strength to rebound from this negativity? Grit is developed in these moments of disappointment so as painful as it is for us, we must allow them to go through it without rescuing them. We can mirror for them how to be calm and hopeful whereby teaching them how to work through the challenge in front of them.
Unfortunately, students are incorrectly interpreting college rejections as messages that they’re not good enough. They can't see the number of students that apply for a small number of seats, and all the factors beyond their control that go into filling them. Can we explain to them that they are not being judged? They probably don’t understand the impact technology has had on the process where at the end of the admission period, colleges can so easily rank themselves as more exclusive by publishing how many students applied and were rejected.
As parents, we must prepare ourselves to quietly process our own disappointments and stand tall as role models. Before those "letters" start arriving, it's our job to convey to our kids that no matter what is inside the "envelopes," they are smart, valuable, worthy, and wise, nothing less than valuable humans. We must reassure them that their worth as a person, and as a friend to others is indisputable and that with perseverance, they will find the journey ahead rewarding in ways they can’t yet imagine. Their definition of success will change as they evolve and with us as parents embodying this beside them, the wide world awaits.